No more same mistakes but...

I don't want to be that dumb person committing one same mistake.  So at first, it wasn't a mistake. And I thought it all wasn't.  But then, things do have a way of unraveling themselves in front of you, making me finally realize how big of a mistake it all was.

And yes, I am now managing to get by all that happened, put it aside me - trying to actually just move forward without any thought of you or it. Just as so, you're here again and I can sense every bit of memory I planned on deliberately shattering away from my very consciousness.

I need a breather - a time not to see or think of you.

Will I or can I even resist it? I feel drawn closer to you again, honestly. Help me, please.

A New Haven in the Making

I have decided to create this weblog from an out-of-nowhere idea and for no apparent urgency at all.

Blogging, for me, is keeping a daily track record of everything that has been going on with your life.  No exceptions. No limitations. Just everything.

So the reason behind me signing up for this is because I wanted a more personal blog, a blog more closer to my heart, a blog that is not overpopulated by friends or people who know me.

I have Facebook, however it is a social networking site, and therefore not for blogging. I also have my Twitter, but it's not like I can fully let my heart out in a 140-character post.  And I have my Tumblr, which is now obviously overrated.

I guess that led me to this. And I am officially welcoming myself to this new haven I've created. I hope this just turns out to be different, and what I like after all.

Word of Thanks. My FINAL SPEECH in COLLEGE.

Our guests of honor, Dr. Ricardo F. de Leon, Executive Vice President and Information Officer; Dr. Priscilla A. Panlasigui, Vice President for CEU Makati; and the Makati Coordinating Council; Our Program Head, Mrs. Marieta D. Lapuebla; The College of Nursing Faculty Members and Year Level Coordinators; Guests; Mentors; Friends; My fellow graduates; Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

For hours, I have been thinking of what to write about.  I wouldn't want to start off this speech with the usual thoughts about graduation, goodbyes and farewells.  Instead, I would like to reminisce on what it felt like after high school graduation - the pressure of college life.  Let me share my own experience.  Never had it crossed my mind to take up Nursing.  I remember an activity I had back when I was still a 4th year high school student, "How do you see yourself 10 years from now?"  Simple question, I said to myself.  In 10 years from now, I see myself as a successful, accomplished, and fulfilled, guess what?  Honestly, it was not about being a nurse, but rather being a psychologist.

What is my point of sharing this to you? Sometimes, life takes us to places we have not set our eyes for.  But just as so, this should not hinder us to be the best persons.  Having gone a totally different direction from what I planned for myself, I couldn't help but think, "I must really be for Nursing.  It was my fate.  It was where life wanted me to be." And I guess, we all are.

The pressure of a new life finally dawned on us when we set foot on the portals of our newly established second home, Centro Escolar University.  For the many reasons, we cannot deny the fact that this institution nurtured us to become products of both science and virtue, hence the twin philosophy, Ciencia Y Virtud.  It was also without a doubt that we have come to enjoy our four year- stay in this institution.  With the loving company of our friends and mentors, we realized that college is not as hard as we thought it to be.  And the proof to this merely reflects the diplomas we have received.

It is also with tears of both joy and sadness that we shall be leaving our beloved Alma Mater.  Sad to say, our four year sojourn has been enough training for us to become professionals.  And I say, we are already one step away to becoming one.  The joy that we are about to leave this institution stems from the self-worth we have earned for ourselves.  We have graduated Bachelor of Science in Nursing.  This is something, especially for us, who know that Nursing is a tough course.  The sadness we are feeling, however, is a normal reaction to parting and goodbyes.  The ties built and split through time will always be remembered from our closest confidants to our acquaintances whom we only know by name or by face.  The friendships gained, lost, and regained will likewise be kept dearest to our hearts.

If I made mention of the joy and sadness we are feeling at this moment in time, how can I forget the anxiety? We fear what will be ahead of us, simply because we don't have knowledge of it.  The pressure of passing the upcoming Nurse Licensure Examination is gradually sinking to us now.  But, let us not fear it.  It is not that I want to impose on a lot of confidence, but I believe that CEU gave us everything – the foundations of a good and successful professional practice. Just have faith in God and in yourself.

In acknowledgement of what CEU has provided us, it is only but fair to thank all those people who are behind this institution:

To the non-teaching staff, the BMS, Security and Canteen Personnel – Thank you for keeping us safe and healthy.  Thank you for your unwavering patience of serving us especially during Sundays for our review classes.  Thank you for the more often than not, delicious and satisfying meals that you offer.

To the SRMD, Accounting Department, School Clinic and Student Affairs Office – Thank you for safekeeping our school files and documents.  Thank you for painstakingly attending to us during enrollment days and grading periods, for letting us take examinations with only a promissory note in our hands, and for deliberately reminding us of our tuition fee balances.  Thank you for accommodating us when we feel sick to our stomach that we cannot find room to concentrate on the professor's lecture.  Thank you for making your office available for queries, for issuing readmission cards and slips, and for strictly implementing school policies.

To the Counseling and Testing Department – Thank you for taking your time to conduct classroom visits and guidance activities, for making your office available for psychological consultations, and for spearheading the student learning assistance program of the University.

To the Administrative Council – Dr. Maria Cristina D. Padolina, CEU President, Dr. Ricardo F. de Leon, Executive Vice President and Information Officer, Dr. Priscilla A. Panlasigui, Vice President for CEU Makati and Dr. Maria Corazon L. Andoy, Makati Student Council Adviser -  Thank you for supporting all the activities of the College of Nursing.  Thank you for being with us as we journeyed through another milestone in our lives.

To our dearest Program Head, Mrs. Marieta D. Lapuebla – Thank you for being our second mom.  Thank you for supporting our endeavors, for encouraging us to strive harder, and for giving us a reason to become motivated in what we do.  Thank you for your prayers, and for your effort to always be with us in spirit. 

To the teaching staff, the General Education professors, especially the College of Nursing Faculty Members and Year Level Coordinators, Mrs. Maria Victoria S. Coloma and Mrs. Celia E. Cruz – Thank you for being our light in this journey.  You have sufficed our hunger and thirst for knowledge.  Thank you for the lessons you all have imparted to us.  Without your molding hands, we would not be the persons whom we are today.  You saw in us the potential to succeed and you continuously believe in what we can do, for this we thank you again.

And last, but definitely not the least, to my fellow Escolarian graduates - First and foremost, let me take this opportunity to congratulate all of you.  Finally, we have reached the finish line.  We have triumphed over our fears and frustrations.  Imagine the things we had to sacrifice to achieve all of this – the deadlines we had to beat, how many sleepless nights we counted, how many times we cursed and swore to shift to other courses, how many times we came to class late because we overslept, how many bottles of energy drinks or cups of coffee we consumed just to stay awake, how many printouts were wasted as we edited our undergraduate researches, how many times we acted out because there was nothing we could do with the Sunday classes, how many times we cried because we already felt like giving up, how many times we suffered examination scores less than the cut-off grade, how many times we got mentally blocked after facing an exam, how many times we felt obliged to get up in the morning and prepare for school, how many times we told ourselves to study for tomorrow's exam, but then ended up going online on Facebook, how many times we attempted to read Kozier, Pilliterri or Brunner, but ended up sleeping with these books laid upon our chests and how many times we wished these were all over.

Well, these are all over.  No more deadlines. No more professors giving out long sermons before starting the lecture.  No more checking of attendance.  No more checking of grooming, kit bags, and nursing paraphernalia.  No more incidental reports.  At last, we are free of these after all.   Congratulations and prepare to take on another journey yet to come, yet to unfold.  Relish every moment possible with your friends and mentors.  May each moment shared be counted as a memorable one.  Good luck and remember, Carpe Diem!

Thank you and Congratulations! A pleasant evening once again.


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Originally written, April 19, 2011

The Battle Against the Board Exam: A Testimonial Speech

I’ve been spending the last few days in front of the computer, trying to figure out what to actually write about.  Perhaps it was because I had been struggling to accept the reality that we are no longer the students that we were and that we are finally on our own now.  Gone were the days when we had to be the carefree and playful persons we used to be.  No more classes to wake up for, no more nagging professors, no more tedious requirements to pass.  I guess I just miss whatever I had to go through in college.  And we do, somehow.

But graduating wasn’t the end-all-be-all to everything that we had to go through.  The Board Exam was.  It wasn’t just about passing, it was more about challenging yourself to go beyond what you already know; it was about snapping off expectations and understatements. 

A teacher once told us, find three persons to whom you’d like to dedicate your Board Exam.  The first person, being yourself. And the remaining two could be anyone - a family member, a friend, or a teacher - someone who inspires you and brings the best out in you. The purpose of having to offer your own Board Exam to someone will help you stay focused and motivated.  Whenever the winds blow harshly and you couldn’t find any more reason to hold on, you just cling to the idea that you are not only doing the Board Exam for yourself, but also for the people you love.  

Preparing for the Board Exam was probably the toughest of what I had to take on so far.  I frequently experienced subtle anxiety attacks before going to bed.  I kept on having dreams about the lessons we took up earlier in the review.  For two straight months, I had been weary.  I had my fair share of drama too.  I remember crying almost every night when praying.  I felt like every day was draining every bit of water left in my system. But I couldn’t or wouldn’t let go.  I knew I will have to reap all the fruits of my labor in the end. That was what kept me going. The thought of being granted what you deserve after all is just glorious.

And for the better part, I’d be honest to say that the Board Exam drew me closer to God and made my faith, unbelievably adamantine.  Instantly, I was reciting novena prayers over at St. Jude every Thursday of the week.  I knew that I was being listened to every time I prayed. I gained my piece of consolation every time I took the liberty to call upon God.

Also, I had to believe that I can conquer the Board Exam.  I had to leave my fears and doubts behind and trust not only what I know, but what I feel is right. Entertain only positive thoughts and leave no room for skepticism. That was also something I had to learn.

Fast forward to the days after July 2 and 3.  I was relieved by the thought that I was able to get by the Board Exam without feeling sick to my stomach because of too much anxiety.  But I also couldn’t get off my mind the level of difficulty I had to endure those two days. 

Technically speaking, I found the Board Exam difficult, and mostly tricky.  Although, I know I gave my best shot for it, I was also not expecting for a good rating.  But God is just great and benevolent. My rating is far more than what I could have imagined for myself. 

I know we are all blessed in so many ways that we couldn’t even see how.  To Batch 2011, whom I would no longer be calling batchmates, but colleagues from now on - Congratulations!  We made it! I know how immensely grateful you all are.  And how our parents are all equally proud of us. Let us give back what has been granted to us.

And for those who tried but did not make it, let us not lose hope.  Do not let one failure tear you apart.  I am sure God has beautiful plans for you too. Let us just be patient. He is not the God who abandons and forsakes.  God will reveal all things in time, when He knows you are perfectly ready for it.

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Originally written, September 16, 2011